I read back on my work a lot. It's good to kind of get a reference point for where I've been and where I feel I am. Maybe even helps me decide where I want to go. I remember writing a piece at the end of last year vowing to myself to take things less seriously, in a sincere way, and focus more on the fullness that life offers when you approach it honestly. I've lived kind of a crazy life if truth be told and I've actually narrowly escaped it's end more than a few times. I've been super lucky.
It's a thought that I was reminded of several times this year. “I've always been so lucky.” I catch myself repeating. Whether it was winning the entire crazy bones contest at the Exhibition as a kid, and picking the gold crazy bone out of a tumbler of thousands of crazy bones whilst blindfolded, or landing a toonie perfectly on the platform of a Dairy Queen water game to win a free Treatza. I have these vague memories of feeling and knowing that I was lucky as a child, and it's been fun to reconnect with that idea in adulthood.
Of course these small childhood examples mirror the whimsy of that period of life and it's only now as I emerge from my Jesus year that I realize the grander picture of how truly lucky I have been and I am. To quote my favourite philosopher once again, the late, great Norm MacDonald, “Nobody chooses to be born.” Some devout Buddhists or Eastern religious practitioners might disagree with that notion, but I get the gist of what he's putting down there. I didn't really choose any of this. Even if some truth exists in the idea of a soul incarnation and a version of source consciousness choosing it's own parents, it seems that bigger version of consciousness has become entangled in this being I embody today, and that choice has been forgotten in a way that I don't feel I can repair. I'm sort of getting lost in the weeds here but the idea remains the same truly with the choice or without it.
I feel lucky.
I have had such a rich and adventurous childhood, I was born into a largely loving and intelligent family. My parents taught me compassion, wisdom, and love from a young age. My older brother shaped what cool was before my very eyes and is a large reason I am the man I am today. I have met so many incredible people I feel lucky to call my friends. Friends that continue to shape and mold me into a better version of myself. I have had guidance from mentors and life coaches and people that truly will never escape my heart. I was born in a safe country during peace times and never really had to fight for anything. (Although that didn't stop me from finding my fair share of violence in adolescence and early adulthood)
There were times when I felt angry and insecure and I sought to take it out on the world. But in truth, looking back, I feel lucky for this now too. I feel lucky to have swam on the other side of the river for a long while to be able to truly recognize and understand the suffering of others. It's a suffering that I have also shared. There's a cool idea I've come across in Buddhist texts and those who translate them into the language I understand, and I'm paraphrasing here but,
“Suffering exists. It's our attachment to it that can be tricky. We want to say, that's my suffering, but suffering just exists. It's one of the fundamental truths of the universe.”
I've swam in that foundation for a long while and I feel so lucky to recognize and adapt to it as I step into this new year.
A few Christmas' ago I was gifted a 1965 Gibson acoustic guitar from my Uncle Barry. It is one of the craziest things that's ever happened to me and it still jolts me into reality sometimes when I look at it and play it. (These instruments want to be played ya know)
I wanted a Gibson acoustic for as long as I can remember but just figured I'd never be able to afford one. And walking home that evening carrying Barry's felt equal parts ethereal and dreamlike as it did a cumbersome burden of responsibility. I was truly becoming an artist and stepping into a purpose or something. Life had responded to my dreams and I felt so lucky for it all despite the knowing everything would be different from that moment on…
I wrote a long list of accomplishments this past year and I'm actively trying to decide whether to publish it into this piece I'm writing now. It feels a bit braggadocios to be honest, but I also am starting to remove the shame associated with feeling proud of what I've done. It's all fuel to continue really and there are some large goals I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to work towards. I achieved many of them too.
I've fallen in love again and found someone special to share my life with, I wrote, recorded, and released music that was given to me from a place I can't name, I even wrote my own screenplay to name a few.
I've grown a lot and as I continue to reflect I find these moments scattered everywhere across my timeline. I continue to feel so lucky.
I also said goodbye to one of my best friends this year and I've struggled with my health and wellness the same as any other year. We're always treading water in a way. I've heard it said that one rarely is firing on all cylinders in terms of health, happiness, prosperity, love, wellness, and security. I have to say I feel as close to max engine capacity as I ever have as I sit here writing this though. Things will change as they do, I recognize that I will struggle again and will be challenged by one or several of these pillars of life. I've made some radical changes in my life though and feel the importance of this moment of respite.
It's something I've learned with people struggling with addiction too…every moment matters. Every time you put it down even if it's just for a day, or a moment, or a week, or a year. Those small victories matter and shine light on a horizon of new possibility. You build strength one lift at a time with a manageable weight, not by carrying the world on your shoulders every minute.
Anywho, I digress. The point of writing all this is to really remind myself how lucky I feel in this moment. To step into this new year ahead remembering that luck and carrying it with me to continue everything I've started and built on this last year. I think that might just be a vague enough resolution to stand by. To continue to feel lucky. To accept where I am and express radical gratitude at every possible opportunity. To continue to live whimsically and listen to my heart, and to open it up to the voices that it recognizes as important and valuable.
I feel so lucky to be writing this all today and wish anyone who reads it a little luck of their own.
Life is a funny thing. And funny things are fun.
Happy New Year to all those who celebrate at this time.
Peace.